Shikyo to shinsei
しきょ(死去) と ぜつめい (絶命)
Well, it’s a sad, sad day…Gabriel (my loving Beta Fish) has passed on. He looked well enough last night as I fed him, swimming around contently. Although I realize now I really should have cleaned out his tank sooner, it was starting to turn…which now makes me sad because I believe that it was in fact myself who “did him in”….what a way to go…RIP Gabriel! No more fish for me, I’ve decided that. Everyone says oh well, it’s just a fish, you can get another one *pat, pat* but it’s not the same.
Ahh…enough of that, this is my first entry in such a long time! I seem to be making a habit of updating monthly as opposed to daily now aren’t I?! I swear, I will get better at this, I promise! First, before my blog can actually become interesting I’ll have to get a life! I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing me go on and on about the hotel/strike or my obsession with all things Japanese (except maybe Crystal’s homemade sushi…maybe it really was just the wasabi…) and the ongoing struggle of learning the complex language. I heard somewhere someone liken learning Japanese to sitting on a pointy rock. It’s extremely difficult to get comfortable and if you fall off said rock then it’s literally starting from scratch trying to find that comfortable spot again. It sounds about right to me. I’ve immersed myself in everything Japanese I can get my hands on and am having a blast with it, however slow-going the process may be. Only time will tell if I can ever advance myself to the point of conversation or if I’ll forever be limited to having a simple comprehension through shows the likes of “Hello! Morning” (it could be worse though...cause Yossui rocks!). We shall see that’s for sure! But I certainly will have to know a bit more than “Watatshi wa Jienifua desu, dozou yoroshiku” to get around in Japan if I’m ever to go visit there. Sure, knowing how to introduce yourself is all well and good (proper Japanese pronunciation of my name and everything there!) but it won’t help me when I’m looking for a washroom, or trying to order a meal or looking for a good hotel. Someday…**making starry eyes* Please, everyone, support me in this! Onegaishimasu!!
And onto the new birth portion of my blog…a new self is and will be born from the words I write tonight.
So it’s been decided! I’m getting my hair cut! I’ve planned it as a birthday treat to myself and come hell or high water I’ll be carrying out my plan of a “new me” this year. I said very bluntly that 2006 would be my year (remember Kayla?) and I’ve slacked quite a bit this year already. So I now have a new resolution (a birthday resolution if you will) to live my life for myself fully and not worry so much about how others view. Then they will see the real me and I’ll find out who truly cares for me and who amongst them simply want to step on me to get what they want…sounds pretty harsh doesn’t it? Well that’s how I feel sometimes. It’s sad yes, but I’ve put aside what I’ve really wanted for so long that I can barely remember what it’s like to live for myself. I want my own apartment more so for my sanity and personal space then nothing else. I care for my roommate, and wish her nothing but the best, but right now I think it’s too much for me to handle rationally anymore. I’m nearing 24 years old and have never lived alone. I want so badly to experience that and these major changes that I’m willing to have her outwardly hate me for moving (though I wish she would just understand…) if that’s what it will end up being. We’ll see how she takes this, maybe she’ll be fine. She’s stronger than she thinks, and certainly doesn’t need me around to tell her that.
With that being said, here are my promises to the world, and more so my promises to myself.
Step one: Go to the gym as often as possible. (no more excuses, the only obstacle will be to avoid the strikers when choosing times to come in.)
Step two: Incorporate better foods into my diet. (I’m heading in the right direction already, I just need to be a bit more strict and careful of what I snack on.)
Step three: Haircut/new clothes! (Thank you birthdays! Woo!! Come next weekend this will be fulfilled!)
Step four: Surround myself with more positive things and people. (I.e. get out more and have some fun, I’m only 24! I’m not supposed to be a KJ yet! That’s for you Crystal, your own personal Kill Joy.)
Step five: Find a new apartment (this sort of ties into number four as living with a roommate becomes more of a chore these days and I don’t want to start hating my best friend…)
Step six: Start writing again. I’m a story teller, I know this, so I should act like one and return to what makes me happy.
Step seven: Continue to learn Japanese. Right now this above nearly everything else makes me happiest. Moreover, God knows I need help to smile sometimes so if I need to do it in a third language then so be it. Why should I have to explain my obsession to anyone? Everyone should be so lucky as to find something that makes them so happy, now all I need is a boyfriend! (Now accepting applications, bonus points for those that know Japanese!)
I think I’m through for the night, I’ll update this when I get home in the morning, or at the latest tomorrow night if I forget to upload after work. (yes, I’m at work while writing this, as usual! Saturday night with no security guard and a bus load of hockey players staying here…and oddly enough no eye-twitch!...yet)
And so it continues, along a different path towards a new me, in the same corner of the internet, this, my blog.